Hey Guys, Keith (Kassy’s husband) here. First off, I’m not a blogger. I sit next to Kassy as she writes and creates her content enough to know that I probably never will be. I’m a college professor. I learned to write for publications instead of entertainment, so you’ll have to bear with me as I attempt to mimic Kassy’s ability to ‘write like she talks’ as my mom says. When Kas asked me to write this blog post to celebrate our first anniversary (which was yesterday Nov. 27th), I contemplated the many things that I could write about, but I figure the best thing I can do is to give practical advise to any future or present husbands (or wives, these tips can be flipped and used on your husband as well). These tips aren’t rocket science but the little things go a long way when it comes to nurturing a new marriage.
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5 Things I Learned in my First Year of Marriage
Invest in ZzzQuil (that is apparently how you spell it) – I assumed that I was the type of person who can sleep through anything but apparently I’m not. You never know what kind of ‘snoring, twitching, kicking, having your dog sleep in the bed, stay up late and look at Instagram’ kind of habits your spouse has until you sleep or lay awake with them regularly. We learned that between the two of us we fall into 4 of those categories. So we keep some ZzzQuil by the bed. When one of us can’t sleep and is (accidentally) keeping the other awake, we have a ‘non habit forming sleep aid’ on the ready. A really important thing to Kassy and I is that we go to sleep together at the same time every night. The time that we spend together watching TV or reading books before we turn out the lights is quality time where we both slow down after a long day and just sit together. It has become our favorite time of the day where we can chat, cuddle with our puppies and talk about the small stuff.
Be each others biggest fan no matter what dumb thing they did. In case you are wondering what I mean by “dumb thing,” I’ll provide a brief personal example. The night before my dissertation defense, which would decide if the culmination of 10 years of college would be a PhD or not, I decided to cut my own hair. Kassy had buzzed my hair a “3” earlier that evening like normal but I decided I needed to do some touch ups on the front. Preoccupied with the impending defense I picked up the clippers without realizing I did not put the guard back on. By the time I realized the guard wasn’t on I had given myself what can be best described as a backwards mohawk. Kassy heard my shout of “Uh oh” and ran in. Without thinking twice she said “well I guess we’re just going to cut it all, but your still handsome so you’ll be fine.” I can honestly say that was the nicest response I got from anyone who saw my now completely bald head in the coming days. Even though I was pretty sure I looked like a cartoon character, the fact my wife said I looked good was all I needed to stand up with confidence in front of a room full of people and pass my defense. Your spouse knows you love them but you’d be surprised at how much it means to them to know you are cheering for them regardless of whether they have a great hair cut or a homemade reverse mohawk.
Have some Fun Money– We were advised from day one that making a budget you both agree on will cut out 80% of all fights…. It’s true. In addition to money set aside for bills and savings, we each have designated “fun money” for the week. Kassy and I can spend it, save it, give it away, or whatever we like with no judgment from the other person. It is great because while I don’t understand why any one would need more than one pair of brown boots or why you would buy a separate black belt and brown belt when you can just buy a reversible belt and save money, I can just be happy for her and know that those shoes and belts Kassy buys don’t affect my fun money or any money set aside for bills. It keeps us from having any conflict over non-necessities in our budget, and I know that so many couples have issues with financial compromises all throughout marriage. So if you can come up with a solution to the small problems early on, you’ll be better prepared for the big ones. Kas and I follow the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace plan, which is fantastic for couples and singles of all ages and walks of life. We started financial planning before we even got married and it has been great to work together as a couple to solve our financial problems and to celebrate our financial victories. Talking about our budget before and after marriage has allowed us to find out what things are really important to each other. Kassy loves traveling so we budget for yearly vacations, and I love working out so we factor in our monthly gym membership. Working together to tweak and perfect out budget has made us stronger as a couple. So if you don’t have a budget or fight over money, I strongly suggest you look into Financial Peace.
Buy her Flowers- So Kassy is really hot, that’s obvious. But something happens the minute your wife changes out of her beautiful white gown and into her sweatpants and t-shirt. She begins to forget how beautiful she really is and it’s your job as her husband to make sure she remembers it. So once a month I buy Kassy flowers and remind her how hot I think she is. It’s funny how something as simple as the monthly promise of flowers has become a something Kassy looks forward to. Whether it’s been a great day or terrible day she knows that on the 27th of every month I’m going to bring her flowers and remind her that she made me the luckiest guy alive. I know my wife knows how I feel about her but I underestimated how big of a difference reminding her with acts of kindness would truly make. You may think monthly flowers sound routine and unexciting, but I know my wife. She’s a creature of habit, she enjoys knowing what’s coming, and she doesn’t really like surprises. In fact, she’s so impressed that I never forget the date even when she does. Find out what makes your wife happy, if its spontaneity, then go for it. If its getting her favorite coffee every Saturday morning, then get to it. The small stuff that lets her know you’re thinking about her will always make her smile (and maybe you’ll get a kiss too)!
Pray for Her – This is easily the best advice I can give you. Pray for her safety. Pray that she stays physically safe while going through the world on a daily basis and also for her spiritual safety as temptations and evils cross her path. Pray for her endurance. The race of life is not an easy one and she will get tired from time to time. Pray that she presses on toward her goals because when she succeeds, you will too. Pray for her heart. Our hearts are so easily hardened by all of the negativity in the world around us. Pray that her heart stays soft to care for the people around her and to be compassionate in a world full selfish people. Pray that she learns to love you more everyday. You’re going to screw up both in small ways and in big ones. Pray that she can look on you with love even in your failures. When her love for you continues to grow, so will your need to be worthy of that love. And most importantly, Pray that you can continually learn how to love her the way that God intended and the way that she needs you to. Women are so different from men when it comes to their needs in a relationship. Learning those needs doesn’t happen overnight. Only with God’s help can I hope to grow closer and closer to understanding what it means to be the perfect husband for Kassy and that is something I pray that I will always seek.
All through our engagement, we kept hearing that marriage is hard work, but this year has flown by and I can safely say that the ups have easily outweighed the down. I’m not naive enough to thing that it will always be easy, but I’m thankful for how God has blessed Kassy and I in this last year.
With the Holiday’s coming up, Kassy and I put together a great Gift Guide for Him. All Husband approved gifts that your guy is sure to love. We know we’re hard to buy for, but the thought goes a long way with us!
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