How We Found Out About Baby Boy

I originally intended to share this story in our 20 week update, but it got REALLY long. So I made it into it’s own post instead! I’m kind of a sap when I write about moments like these, but I can’t help but share every single feeling. Here is the funny, not so funny story about us finding out about baby boy! 

Finding Out

If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that this baby came as a COMPLETE surprise. We were caught off guard in the biggest way. We tried for over a year and a half to get pregnant with Kate, so the thought of an unplanned pregnancy seemed impossible. I still can’t believe that we found out about baby #2 the way we did. 

Every Tuesday night, we meet up with friends for Taco Tuesday at our local Fuzzy’s Taco Shop. That night a group of us were there (including my little sister) and, of course, got on the subject of babies. I mentioned in passing that, over the last few days, I’d had this weird feeling that I was pregnant and that it was a boy. My sister gasped and said she had the same feeling. All of my friends joked that I should run and get a pregnancy test STAT. We giggled and I was 100% sure that it was just a hormonal feeling. 

My sister then proceeded to call my mom and tell her about the exchange. I expected my mom to laugh it off, but instead, she told me that I really should take a test because I’d be really moody lately.’ Since everyone was hounding me, I sent Keith to the dollar store to grab those $1 at home tests because I wasn’t about to spend $14 on a test I KNEW would be negative.

Back Story: I hadn’t had a normal cycle since Kate. I started my period pretty early (about 6 weeks postpartum) so I’d been on a progesterone pill that kept me from having a cycle at all. That little pill, though, was making me crazy. My anxiety was through the roof and I was having real intimacy issues – like not wanting to be touched by anyone every. So after meeting with my therapist, we decided that chatting with my OB about getting off the pill might be the best course of action in case it was causing the hormonal imbalance. So I talked to my doc and she said that it 100% could be the cause of those issues and we decided to quit the pill and start natural family planning. 

If you’ve ever looked into NFP, then you know you have to have a period before you can track your cycle. So I quit taking the pill and was waiting for my next cycle to start tracking. I bled for less than a day immediately after quitting the pill but I TOTALLY didn’t think that counted as a cycle (spoiler alert – it likely was)! 

Fast forward to 2.5 weeks later to me peeing on a stick and laughing about how I was wasting time and money. After the first cheap test showed a SUPER FAINT LINE, I took 3 more. I mean, it was so faint that I thought I was seeing things and trying to freak myself out. Keith couldn’t see anything and Kelsey wasn’t sure. So I took two more cheap tests that each showed that super faint barely there line. I KNOW that any line means you’re pregnant but it was SOOOOOO faint. 

This time, I needed to be sure, so I sent Keith to Kroger to grab an expensive test with digital readings that I could be 100% sure of! Those were the longest 3 minutes of my life. I WAS FREAKING OUT. I’m a planner and a complete control freak. We wanted kids spread pretty far apart and were planning on adopting our next child AND saving up to buy a vacation home. This was NOT in our plan. 

My sister face timed my mom, called my best friend, Ashton, and everyone tried to talk me down. We were mid ‘take a deep breath’ moment when the big fat YES popped up on the test. I started crying and Keith said a word that I won’t repeat here (LOL!). Babies are a HUGE blessing, we know. But in that moment, it felt like all of our plans and goals came crashing down on us all at once. 

I cried (honestly… it was more of a SOB) all night long. Not happy tears, mind you. I think I was mourning the future that I had created in my head. Come to find out a few days later, Keith had been shocked but happy the whole time. But he is so compassionate and so he held me while I cried and cried and cried. 

It took me several days, lots of prayer, and a few worship songs that touched my heart to change my perspective. The songs and the prayers all reminded me that God would never EVER leave me. That in the midst of the hardest moments of my life, he would always be there. No, this wasn’t one of the hardest, but with 2 kids under 2 years old, I knew I’d have some  hard days coming my way. 

The truth is that I don’t always handle motherhood well. I get overwhelmed and frustrated and completely hopeless at times. Sometimes, I wonder why I ALWAYS WANTED this and whether or not I wanted to ever do it again. I have moments of regret followed by moments of pure joy and that, my friends, is SUCH a weird place to be. It’s easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done, EVER. Children are the greatest gift (other than Jesus’ sacrifice) that can ever be given. But don’t think for one second that means that being a parent is always joyful. 

But here we are. God has chosen us to be parents again, this time to a beautiful baby boy. It’s taken a lot of time, but I can genuinely say that I’m excited. I’m fearful, and apprehensive, but I feel closer to God that ever before. I feel more reliant on his strength and his patience than I ever have. 

Needless to say, we immediately started telling our friends and family. I was less than 3 weeks pregnant when we found out. It was a secret we couldn’t keep. Mostly because it was SO WILD. And because, I’ve likely been recorded saying, “People who have kids so close together are CRAZY.” I still believe that statement. However, I’ve joined the ranks of crazy now because God thought I needed to be taught a lesson. I did. I needed to learn. And I’m so thankful that baby boy is my teacher this time! 

To those of you reading who are in a season of waiting, my heart waits with you. Trying for Kate was a time of excruciating spiritual and emotion pain. And it’s a pain that you can’t express because wearing that on your sleeve for the world to see would be even more painful. I know many of you are waiting and have waited for even longer. Have faith. God’s plan will grow and flourish in it own time. It may not mean a baby for everyone, but he will deliver. That hole in your heart that you think only a child can fill. HE CAN FILL IT. HE WILL FILL IT, if you let him.

Motherhood isn’t defined by having a child, but loving children (yours or someone else’s) unconditionally. Praying for them, teaching them about Christ, and showing them how to love others. Teachers, you are all acting as Mothers. Nurses, Sunday School teachers, day care workers, etc. Anyone who puts the life of a child before their own has the chance to be a mother figure in a child’s life. I am Kate’s biological mother. The woman tasked with keeping her daily needs filled. But in reality, Kate has MANY mothers. So many amazing, God-fearing women who pour into her daily. Each one of them will have an impact on who she becomes. I am more than thankful for those women, those mothers. 

In conclusion, this journey did NOT start as expected. But things rarely do. I have a feeling that this little boy will continue to surprise me all throughout his life. I pray that those surprises will be, at least, mostly good. Although, is it possibly to get through a teenage boy’s life without the unexpected ‘YOU DID WHAT?!?’ moment?

For now, we ask for your prayers for a healthy, happy baby boy and a patient loving big sister. May we get through the next few years with lots of God’s grace and a little laughter.